It’s an “Everyone” Issue, So Everyone Needs to Participate in the Conversation

I want to sit down with men and explain why the time has come for them to stop hiding in the “flexibility” closet. They are an important voice. And they are a necessary voice if we, as a culture, are going to move issue of work+life flexibility out of the “mommy” category and recognize that it’s an “everyone” issue in the 24/7 work reality of the 21st Century.
Recently I helped a client put together an event showcasing the successful use of flexibility in their organization. The goal was to explain how flexibility can be an effective work+life “fit” management tool for the individual and a strategic management tool for the managers. Continue Reading…

Frequent readers know that I consciously steer clear of the ongoing “Moms versus Work” debate because I believe:

• Work+Life is not just a “mothers” issue, it’s an “everyone” issue
• Making it a mothers-only issue actually hurts women, not helps
• It doesn’t get us any closer to a solution, but keeps us mired in the problem
• Only a privileged, minority of mothers who have the financial wherewithal to live on one salary can really engage in this debate. Most mothers need to work and are left feeling guilty that they aren’t able to make a different choice.

That said, here I am anyway. Because I believe the mommy wars/opting out/off ramps and on ramps conversation is way off track. We’ve gotten stuck in a circular, emotionally-charged, all-or-nothing debate that misses not only the countless work+life “fit” possibilities, but also overlooks some key facts that really should influence a mother’s decision whether or not to work. Continue Reading…

Work+Life “Fit” in the 4/16/06 New York Times, Career Couch Column – See my advice to people who want a life but have bosses who expect long hours in today’s 24/7 work reality….

Work+Life Research Round-up—Even More Confirmation of the New Work+Life “Fit” Reality

I am not alone in seeing a new 21st Century work+life “fit”reality. A number of recently released studies reinforce the message that strategic, mutually-beneficial work+life “fit” partnerships between individuals and employers are a key driver of future corporate competitive advantage and personal success. Continue Reading…

Meredith Viera’s move to the Today Show (NYT 4/6/06) reinforces a powerful and important message. Strategically adjusting your work+life “fit” to support your unique realities actually helps your career in the long run. It allows you to continue doing work you love, while finding time and energy for your personal life. But it requires seeing beyond the “all or nothing,” and redefining success for yourself, so that you feel good about the “fit” you are pursuing—even if other people don’t understand it. Continue Reading…

As people learn about my mother’s cancer diagnosis, many have shared their personal experiences of caring for an adult relative. I’ve noticed an interesting pattern, especially in the stories of mothers who also have young children. A number of them either worked full-time or part-time until an adult relative got sick. And then they quit. In other words, contrary to what we hear in the media, caring for their children wasn’t too much. It was the additional care of an adult relative that ultimately drove them out of the workforce. For example,

• Jill was a banker in New York City who had just had her second child when her mother’s cancer recurred. She felt she couldn’t get any flexibility at her firm, “all or nothing,” so she quit her job to help care for her mother until she died, and never returned to the workforce. Continue Reading…

Technical Note: “Email to a Friend” has been fixed, so please forward away!
Commentary: Yes, Things Are Getting Better… Last Tuesday I spoke to a group of professional women under 30 in New York City. I introduced the work+life “fit” strategies and then two senior executive women presented their personal stories. One was from a large media company, and the other from a large private equity firm, both had children. The final question posed to us during the Q&A was, “Have you seen things really change for the better regarding work+life?” The three of us were unanimous, “Yes, it absolutely has.” Even though we had come at this subject from three completely different perspectives, we all agreed things were improving. This got me thinking about other positive signs I’ve noticed recently.

The signs may be subtle, but the work+life conversation is starting to take a turn toward creative solutions—individually, organizationally, and culturally. Like the green shoots of the spring flowers that are just peeking out, they don’t make much of an impression individually. But, once they all start to bloom, it becomes clear that a change of season has arrived. Here are some small “shoots” of evidence that I take as encouraging signs: Continue Reading…

For a long time, I’ve challenged the conventional wisdom that work+life is primarily a working mothers’ issue with the proven fact that it’s an “everyone” issue. But recent articles about working mothers versus stay-at-home mothers have convinced me that not only must we recognize once and for all that work+life “fit” isn’t just a working mothers’ issue, BUT that in doing so, we will actually help mothers more. I say this as a working mother with two small children who faces these challenges daily.

This realization hit me while reading the 3/2/06 New York Times article about the stall in the number of mothers returning to the workplace after having children. A former high-tech business development executive with three children was interviewed and talked about how “duped” she felt by her expectations about working after having children. I started thinking about other big work+life “fit” transitions women and men experience over the course of their life and career. And how their expectations related to these experiences are also often not aligned with reality, which leads to similar feelings of being “duped.” Continue Reading…

The story in Lisa Belkin’s Life’s Work column in Sunday’s New York Times about the late Eugene O’Kelly, chairman of KPMG hit a nerve with me. During my vacation, I struggled to honor my pledge not to work at all. That experience forced me to revisit the question that I come back to often: How much of our work+life fit conflict is our own doing? In other words, are we often our own worst enemy when it comes to setting (or rather not setting) boundaries around our work and life? It’s an important question if we hope to effectively combine work and life in the 21st century. Because the answer will require more actively managing the expectations and pressures we put on ourselves everyday.

Mr. O’Kelly’s story in Lisa Belkin’s column exemplifies perfectly how a company can do everything to help employees achieve “balance,” but unless an individual’s personal definition of success and expectations change, it will have no effect. Perhaps, until it’s too late. She talks about Mr. O’Kelly’s book called, Chasing Daylight: How My Forthcoming Death Transformed My Life published after his death. He was the chairman and chief executive of KPMG, one of the country’s largest accounting firms, when he learned last May that he had an inoperable brain tumor. Continue Reading…

Money and decisions about work+life “fit” are deeply intertwined. Two transitions that often prompt a reevaluation of the role work and money play in life were in the news this week: retirement and having a baby.

The old model of retirement continues to fade as more companies announce reductions of corporate supported pension benefits. (NYTimes 2/9/06) And, the ongoing work and motherhood debate reignited when the death of Betty Freidan last week prompted reflections on the state women’s lives in 2006, both at home and in the workplace. (Knight Ridder 2/7/06, NYTimes 2/8/06) Continue Reading…

COMMENTARY

Myth: “Gen-X Employees Don’t Want to Work Hard” – Time to Stop Blaming, Start Changing
Last night I spoke to a group of prospective students interested in Columbia Business School, my alma mater. I discussed the benefit of my degree, but also addressed the question of “work/life balance.” I emphasized that there is no such thing “balance,” only “fit” that you can strategically adjust over the course of your career and life. To me, it seemed amazing that this discussion was even taking place—that the subject of work+life was even on the radar screen. Back in 1992, when I was applying to MBA programs, the terms work and life were never mentioned. No need: work was work, life was life. Enough said.

So what’s going on? Well, like any organization, Columbia is answering the interests and needs of its customers. And, for their customers, how to work and have a life after getting an MBA is important. The subject is also being addressed at other top business schools. I gave the keynote speech last May at Tuck/Dartmouth’s WorkLife Conference, and you can read about my experience speaking to students at Harvard Business School in my article, It’s Fit, Not Balance: The New Work+Life Fit Reality. Continue Reading…