(This post originally appeared in Forbes.com)

A couple of weeks a ago I facilitated a work+life fit panel of senior women business leaders at the Forte Foundation’s MBA Women’s Conference. The conversation between the leaders and the student attendees was so rich and informative, I thought it would be interesting to continue the dialogue in a series of posts on ForbesWoman.

The goal of our panel was to share lessons learned with students from our journey to fit work into our very different but equally busy lives. To make the dialogue as open and honest as possible, all of the panelists moved our chairs to the other side of the official dais. I even asked the students to imagine this was a “girls afternoon out” rather than a conference in the hopes it would make them comfortable to ask even the  most basic questions.

Our session could have continued far beyond the 75 minutes allocated. The work+life fit concerns of the young women MBA students were insightful and important. And the responses from the panelists were equally as interesting and oftentimes different. But the point wasn’t to get an “answer,” but to start a supportive, candid dialogue across the generations from which we can all benefit.

My next few ForbesWoman posts will highlight a different question posed by one of the MBA students either to the panelists or offline to me afterwards. I hope the community will jump in and offer their thoughts, so that together all of us, but especially the next generation of women leaders, can “Lean into your careers.”~Sheryl Sanberg COO, Facebook.

Here’s the first work+life fit inquiry….

“Should I Tell People I’m Leaving Work to Go to the Gym, or Should I Just Go?”

To disclose or not to disclose, that is the question.  The answer is a tough one  (Click here for more)

We’re thrilled and honored that, for the second year in a row, the Work+Life Fit blog has been named one of the ‘Top 100 Sites for Women” by the readers and editors of Forbes.com!

While our intention continues to be that our content helps everyone manage their work+life “fit” better and smarter, being a recognized resource for women is special.

We’ve come a long way from 2006 when my husband, best friend and mom read the blog, and my mom left comments like, “Excellent point, honey!” not understanding the concept of “public.”  Thank you, Forbes!

There are many ways that you can connect with the Work+Life Fit / Flex+Strategy Group community:

• Check out my other regular posts at Fast Company and Forbes
• Connect with me on Twitter @caliyost
• Sign up to receive our how-to “Make Flexibility Real” newsletter via email
• Join our “Make Flexibility Real” LinkedIn Group

DESPITE RECENT RECESSION, NEW RESEARCH FINDS FINANCIAL & JOB INSECURITIES NOT THE BIGGEST OBSTACLES TO WORK LIFE FLEXIBILITY

Time & Workload are the Problem in 4th Edition of Work+Life Fit Reality Check; Survey Shows Notable Shifts in Work Life Flexibility Concerns, Satisfaction and Use over Five Year Period

June 9, 2011 – Just as employees have gotten comfortable with the idea of work life flexibility, worrying less about the impact it has on their paychecks or careers, new research shows increased workloads or no time are now the biggest obstacles.  The finding is from the 2011 Work+Life Fit™ Reality Check, a telephone survey of a national probability sample of 637 full-time employed adults, sponsored by Work+Life Fit, Inc. and conducted by Opinion Research Corporation March 3 – 7, 2011.

The current Work+Life Fit Reality Check, first conducted in 2006, has a margin of error of +/- 4 percent and also found:

• During the recession, about nine out of ten respondents said that their use of work life flexibility either increased (11%) or stayed the same (76%).
• While in the recovery, nine out of ten felt their level of use of work life flexibility would increase (10%) or stay the same (82%).
• Compared to this time last year, more than eight out of ten report they have the same (66%) or an increased amount (17%) of work life flexibility.
• Without work life flexibility, 66% believe the business suffers with employee health, morale and productivity as the most affected areas.
• Looking for a new job is the plan for more than one-third (35%); 33% of those cite a more flexible schedule and 25% the ability to telework as a reason.  (Job search questions sponsored by CareerOwners.com.)

“Whatever flexibility there was before the downturn survived, indicating it is here to stay in good times and bad.  Work life flexibility withstood its toughest test and continues to grow,” said Cali Williams Yost, CEO, Work+Life Fit, Inc.  “But – just when employees start to worry less about using flexibility – now they think they’re too busy to do so.  Clearly, both organizations and employees struggle with how to make flexibility work as a meaningful and deliberate part of the way we manage our business, work and lives.”

Yost will discuss the findings at a free webinar Tuesday, June 14 at 1 p.m. EST. Register at http://bit.ly/myQLyR.

Obstacles Evolve and Put Organizations at Risk

Fewer respondents report obstacles to using or improving their work life flexibility, 61% in 2011 compared to 76% in 2006.  The most cited (29%) obstacle in 2011 was “increased workload or no time for flexibility.”  But, despite going through one of the worst economic recessions ever, financial and perception worries have progressively become less problematic.

• You might make less money:  21% in 2011 versus 45% in 2006
• You might lose your job:  16% in 2011 versus 28% in 2006
• Others will think you don’t work hard:  11% in 2011 versus 39% in 2006
• You worry that your boss would  say “no”:  13% in 2011 versus 32% in 2006

“These findings are proof that the workplace has become more comfortable with flexibility.  The challenge is to continue to address roadblocks that often unnecessarily hinder how we optimize and benefit from flexibility personally and organizationally,” Yost said.  “Flexibility should be used to manage increased workflows and dwindling resources, not be avoided because of them.”

Otherwise, 66% of those surveyed indicated the possible risks that result from a lack of work life flexibility.

• Health is affected—you’re stressed or lack time for exercise: 48%
• Morale is affected—you don’t feel good about working at your company or organization: 41%
• Productivity is affected—you can’t get your work done as fast as you like: 36%
• Focus and attention, or engagement, is affected—you can’t concentrate the way you would like to on your work: 34%
• Loyalty is affected—you’re not as committed to your employer and/or boss: 34%
• Creativity is affected—you have a harder time problem solving or coming up with new ideas: 31%

“Organizations and employees must move forward together taking a hard look at what, how, when and where work is best performed; how technology can support – not overwhelm – that work; and why they should champion flexibility as an operational and financial tool.  The time has passed for seeing flexibility simply as a perk offered at certain ideal times,” Yost explained.

Get the complete Executive Summary of 2011 Work+Life Fit Reality Check survey

Get Takeaway Tips for Employers from the survey findings

Get Takeaway Tips for Individuals from the survey findings

Connect with @caliyost on Twitter, and in the “Make Flexibility Real” LinkedIn group.

(This post originally appeared on Forbes.com; I am reposting here today to honor Meredith Vieira’s last day on the Today Show)

Meredith Vieira’s a rock star when it comes to managing the way work fits into her life, and there’s a lot her journey can teach all of us. Since 1991 when she was fired from 60 Minutes after requesting to work part-time, I’ve watched her make bold, often unconventional choices with a mix of curiosity and admiration.

In honor of her most recent decision to leave NBC’s Today Show at the top of her game “for more time with my family,” I want to give her a well-deserved public shout out. Like any rock star, her high profile and financial resources make her situation unique. But there are lessons in her story that apply to us all. They can teach us how to more deliberately and consciously manage our own work+life fit:

Lesson 1: When your priorities change, don’t wait until circumstances force you to make a choice.  Make a decision on your own terms, no matter what others say.

When I watch Meredith Vieira make her choices it’s clear she doesn’t really care about what other people think she “should” or “can” do.

In 1991, when she wanted to reduce her workload and hours at 60 Minutes, few people even thought about non-traditional schedules. Her proposal was almost unheard of. I’m sure everyone told her she was crazy, but she tried. And, yes, she was fired.

But the point is that she listened to herself, bucked conventional wisdom of what was “possible” and gave it a shot. Then she didn’t go quietly into the night of obscurity when it didn’t work out (more on that in a minute). She controlled her choices.

Letting go of her Today Show post at the pinnacle of success is an equally bold decision when you consider how many in her position would do just the opposite. Often we hang on to jobs that no longer fit our goals until the choice is forced upon us. This was the case with Christina Norman, the OWN Network’s newly-departed CEO, and Microsoft co-founder, Paul Allen.  (Click HERE for more)

I invite you visit my Fast Company blog and to join me on Twitter @caliyost.  Also, if you are interested in How-To “Make Flexibility Real” sign up to receive our monthly value-packed newsletter and join our new LinkedIn group.

(I am pleased to welcome a long-time, veteran, work-life colleague, Pat Katepoo, founder of WorkOptions.com, as guest blogger. Online since 1997, Pat has equipped thousands of working mothers and others to request a flexible work arrangement at their current job.  Today, Pat is sharing strategies to help new moms maximize their maternity leave.)

Suppose some friends have invited you to join them for dinner at a casual restaurant. The menu is varied and has some acceptable choices, but nothing particularly appealing to you.

Then you spot a menu item that would suit your appetite perfectly if there was one ingredient switch.

Would you ask for the change? Or would you simply settle for something listed on the menu, as is?

If you’re a woman, more than likely you would settle for “as is.”

That’s not a statement of stereotype; it’s backed by ample studies which reveal women are far less likely than men to ask for what they want–or even recognize the options available to them.

In the book, Women Don’t Ask, authors Linda Babock and Sara Laschever do an extensive review of the empirical evidence which exposes dramatic gender-based differences in negotiating behavior.

They conclude that, as a “result of powerful social influences,” women have an “impaired sense of entitlement.” They often “assume that they are stuck with their circumstances” and refrain from asking for what they want.

Sound familiar? And it’s not age-related; younger women are impacted as much as older ones.

ASKING BEHAVIOR AND WORK-LIFE FIT

Over the years, I’ve observed a persistent pattern of nervousness about negotiating among the many women I’ve helped to propose a flexible work arrangement to their manager.

In the early years, I was baffled by this; here were highly accomplished career professionals expressing fear about asking for flexibility, as well as strong doubts about getting management approval.

They were in a strong position to ask, (AKA having high leverage), yet they often needed negotiation coaching and a confidence boost. Why?

The “why” became clear when I read Women Don’t Ask. The fear of asking, the low expectations, the safe targets, and the social drivers behind it all, explained a lot of what I saw.

I still see women’s “asking behavior” as a barrier to getting the work+life fit they need and want. Without prompting or guidance, many women simply won’t make the request.

It’s why Cali’s thorough treatment of “seeing the possibilities” and “asking and getting to yes” in the early chapters of her Work+Life book is so critical to fostering a desired outcome. And of immense more importance to one’s quality of life than switching out the grilled chicken for shrimp at dinner!

OPTIONS ARE WIDE OPEN FOR MATERNITY LEAVE

Focusing on possibilities sheds some positive light on an otherwise dim picture of maternity leave benefits in America.

What are the options for asking when the current maternity leave menu for most pregnant working women is lukewarm hodgepodge stew? (The recipe being a confusing mix of paid and unpaid time off– and not enough of it.)

In a perfect world, public policy and employer practices would drive better choices. Meanwhile, as with a flexible work-life fit, there are possibilities for something more than what’s offered IF women recognize their options, prepare their case, and present it in a professional manner–including a written proposal–then ASK for it.

That’s the purpose behind giving away free copies of Max Maternity Leave Proposal Template & Negotiation Guide.

In the 2011 version, I recommend a three-step strategy for getting a better-than-standard maternity leave. The third step is this: negotiate for leave terms that surpass the policy, whether there is one or not. Put another way, the given maternity leave menu options should be seen as the starting point. Asking for more expands the menu.

It might sound gutsy, but Max Maternity Leave provides a tactical framework that lays a strong foundation for asking for desired terms with confidence. At the same time, it provides a path to knowing, expanding and creating better options. Following is an example of each.

KNOW YOUR OPTIONS

There is a little-known provision under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) that allows new moms to return to work part-time after maternity leave.

“Reduced leave schedule” as it’s called, is a hugely helpful phase-back-to-work option for those who can’t afford a full 12 weeks of unpaid FMLA leave, but who can afford a temporary part-time schedule.

The arrangement requires the employer’s agreement; from what I’ve seen, the woman who asks as part of her well-crafted maternity leave proposal usually gets it. (Dads can do this, too.)

EXPAND YOUR OPTIONS
A typical maternity leave menu choice is six to 12 weeks. But a strategic request for additional leave that’s not on the menu can deliver surprising results. Here’s how one woman’s request played out:

“I am a Director at a large health plan [employer] that I would not call flexible. I was prepared to take the standard 12 week leave, but I really wanted to take an extra month for a total of four months. Based upon your [strategies in Max Maternity Leave], I went for broke and asked for five months, hoping I could negotiate to four. The entire five months’ leave was approved and I’m thrilled!”

(Pages 5 and 6 of the free Max Maternity Leave guide outline the strategy for getting “supplemental leave.”)

CREATE YOUR OPTIONS

What about paid maternity leave? Understanding the conditions which foster getting paid maternity leave (beyond accumulated paid time off), having a strategy, then presenting a professional proposal, can have surprising payoffs. No guarantees, but worth the initiative.

While one to three extra paid weeks is a reasonable expectation, I’ve received some reports of approval for four to six weeks of paid maternity leave where the policy (if there was one) did not offer it. Unusual, but possible.

Know, expand or create your options–and ask for them. With a solid strategy, careful preparation and a detailed proposal, requesting something that’s not on the work-life or maternity leave menu can bring satiating results.

(For more, request a downloadable free copy of the Max Maternity Leave Proposal Template & Negotiation Guide from Pat’s new complimentary maternity leave advice service website, Maternity Leave Mentor.)

Yesterday, May 17th, was National Cyber Safety Awareness Day, a reminder to all of us busy parents that we need to be cyber-aware about what their children are doing online. And most of us aren’t.  Shawn Marie Edgington, “Americas leading “Texpert” and cyberbullying prevention expert” wants to change that with her new book, “The Parent’s Guide to Texting, Facebook and Social Media,” and the One-Click Safety Series. 

Since she discovered the her own daughter was being threatened by text and on Facebook, Edgington has been on a mission to help protect our kids against the dangers that exist on the wild, wild web, and wants every parent to know that no child is immune.

As Dr. Oz’s new Sharecare.com expert, she plans to provide her expertise to help both parents and teens get the advice they need.  She is also the CEO of a National Insurance Brokerage where she provides risk management and guidance to clients across the country about the repercussions of inappropriate social media and harassment usage in the workplace.

In this guest post, Edgington offers important tips to help parents add cyber-safety awareness to their busy work+life fit.

For centuries, parents have been able to easily protect and guard their children… but with today’s technology, social networks and mobile messaging, it’s easier for predators and bullies to reach out and attack our children from anywhere and at anytime; silently and with ease.
Cyberbullying occurs when a minor uses technology to deliberately and repeatedly engage in hostile behavior to harm or threaten another minor, and is against the law.

• Almost half of our youth experience some form of online harassment (Cyberbullying Research Center)
• 71% of teens receive messages from strangers (National Center for Missing and Exploited Children)
• Over half of teens have engaged in cyberbullying (i-Safe)

Most teens don’t tell their parents what’s happening in their online world, which is why it’s critical that parents take a pro-active approach and become aware of how technology can be abused and talk to their kids about the dos and don’ts for using technology.  When it comes to cyberbullying, prevention is critical.

Establish rules: If your teenager has a cell phone or access to the Internet or both, be sure to sit down with them and review the Rules of Engagement agreement for such use, and have them agree to your rules by signing the agreement.

Obey age restrictions: Obey age limitations set by social networks.  Facebook requires users to be at least 13-years-old.

Sexting and Internet avoidance: If your young child has a cell phone, make sure that it can’t access the Internet. If their phone has a camera/video feature, contact your provider to disable their MMS service.

Invest in Smart Limits: This service allows parents to “set text boundaries, disable text service after bedtime, and control who can be blocked from sending texts, among other benefits.

Check privacy and security settings, guard passwords: Double check all of your child’s security settings to be sure they are all set to private and instruct your child to never share their passwords with anyone.

Know your child’s friends: Frequently monitor who your child is connected to.  Be sure they are people that they know in real life, and people you trust.

Closely monitor Internet and cell phones:  Keep the computer in a visible place, and spot check text messages, videos and photos.

Think before posting: Help your child manage their online image and reputation.  Encourage your child to treat others online as they want to be treated in real life.  It’s crucial they understand what’s posted on the Internet stays on the Internet forever.

Limit Personal Information: Be cautious about how much personal information your child posts. The more detailed the information, the easier it is for online predators, hackers, etc. to use their information to commit crimes.

Ignore/Block/Report: Show your child how to ignore, block and report people who aren’t being nice to them, whether in person, by text message or on the Internet.  Help your child understand how important it is to not respond to any negative messages and to immediately report them to a trusted adult.

Contact the Authorities: The police take cyberbullying very seriously.  If your child is ever physically threatened or contacted by a stranger, notify the police immediately.

Children lack the maturity and experience to deal with a difficult situation like being the target of a cyberbully.  Children will look to a trusted adult to help them respond appropriately and get through difficult situations.  Knowledge is power!  If you are aware of what’s happening, you can get involved and facilitate change.  Cyberbullying is a REAL threat to teens. Educate yourself and protect your children from the hazards of networking online or using their cell phones.

For more:

• Buy Shawn Edington’s Book  The Parent’s Guide to Texting, Facebook and Social Media
• Follow Shawn on Twitter @DigitalWorld101
• Connect with Shawn on Facebook

In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d like to thank my two beautiful girls for the privilege of being their mom everyday.  Next, I’d like to recognize the other members of the joint Yost Family caregiving task force: my wonderful husband and my fantastic babysitter who has been a member of our family for 10 years.  

Now, to all of my sisters out there.  The amazing women I meet everyday who heroically fit all of the parts of their busy work and lives together, I’m giving you the same three gifts that I’m bestowing upon myself this year–Recognition, A Break and Men (not what you think):

Recognition That You Are Amazing

Ladies, we must do a better job giving ourselves credit for all that we accomplish whatever our unique work+life fit  looks like.  At the end of the day, instead of focusing on all of the things I didn’t do, I’ve started a practice of congratulating myself on the things I’ve done–big and small.  Join me!  Tell me how it feels and what a difference it makes.

Here’s a very cool way from MomsRising.org to recognize the mothers you love while advancing the cause of pay equity.  Click here to customize the “The Amazing Story of…” video.  Unbelievably creative.  I still can’t figure out how they do it. ( For more, check out the MomsRising Mother’s Day Blog Carnival)

Permission Not to Be Perfect (a.k.a Giving Yourself a Break)

In case you missed it, I recently made a confession in the “Secret Life of a Work/Life Expert” blog post for Good Enough is the New Perfect: I only get my work+life fit right about 70% of the time.  The other 30% I’m trying to hold it together like everyone else.  And that’s okay!!!  This year I want all moms to give ourselves (and each other) a break because remember the first gift…you are amazing!

Inviting Men Into the Work+Life Fit Conversation

Finally, this year I want every mom to reach out, grab the willing men in her life…and invite them to become part of the work+life fit conversation.  As my recent interview with Dan Mulhern in Fast Company proves, men are starting to join us.  But we need to welcome them with open arms because for too long the dialogue has only included women.  If we partner with men to create the new flexible ways we all need to manage our work and life, we’ll make progress a lot faster.  I know I’m ready, and I’ll bet every other woman is ready for progress too.

Happy Mother’s Day!  What are the top work+life fit gifts you hope moms receive this year?

(This post originally appeared on the blog of a wonderful non-profit, Women With Drive, founded by my friend Molly Cantrell-Kraig)

Some people call me an expert, but, really…I’m an explorer continually searching for new and better ways to help people manage their work and life.

This 15 year journey has led me to write a book, Work+Life: Finding the Fit That’s Right for You, start a blog, and help companies to become more flexible in the way they work.  But Molly Cantrell-Kraig’s invitation to write a guest post for Women With Drive (Twitter @WWDr1ve) was a unique opportunity to stop and reflect upon what I’ve learned.

For this post, I challenged myself to pick out the “Top 10” work+life fit tips that I think every woman should know.  It wasn’t easy, but here’s my list. Remember, I’m an explorer on a never-ending quest to learn more, so I really want to hear what you think too!

1. There is no “balance,” only the unique way work fits into the rest of your life day-to-day and over time (for more check out The 10 Tyrannies of Work-Life Balance).
2. Contrary to popular belief, you can choose what your work+life fit looks like about 70% of the time (which is way better than 0%).  Nothing is ever perfect and even the most careful plan will change.  But being thoughtful and deliberate about the choices you make and actions you take does ensure that more of what you want does happen in work and in the rest of your life.  Make 70% your bar of success…not “perfect.”
3. Managing the way work fits into your life is a practice not a destination. You will never “have” work+life fit.  All you can do is try to make your “fit” the best it can be based on where you are now.
4. Keep a calendar with all of your work and personal “to dos” in one place so that you have a complete picture of your life. And if you aren’t comfortable adding your personal goals and responsibilities to your calendar at work, keep your personal calendar with you on the job.   Glance at them both a couple of times throughout the day to stay on track.
5. Take 20 minutes each week to sit quietly and ask yourself what you need more of/less of in your “fit” and make it happen. Small actions make a big difference.  A cup of coffee with a friend.  A half an hour walk.  Lunch with your daughter.  An appointment to get your hair cut.
6. Understand that it’s about managing your time and your energy. Taking care of yourself requires time but it gives you more energy…so it’s a net gain.  Women tend to feel guilty about taking time to sleep, eat well, and exercise especially if it means we’re not focusing on others.  But, a good night’s sleep, a healthy meal, and a yoga class, for example, prepare you to give even more (and better!)
7. Make your back up plans in advance so you are prepared and less frazzled. For example, who will take care of your child when they are sick, or if there’s a snow day?  Who will walk your dog if you have to stay late at work?  How will your mother get to the doctor if you can’t take her?
8. Prioritize managing your personal finances. Having a handle on your money—no matter how much or how little you have—is critical to your long-term work+life fit success.  When my parents divorced 35 years ago, my mother had very little money and few job prospects, but she was always careful and deliberate with what she had.  By the time she retired, she’d paid off her house and car and was able to truly enjoy retirement.   That careful management, even when there wasn’t much, gave her choices in the long run.   (Great resources for women: Manisha Thakor, Daily Worth)
9. Don’t let pride stand in the way of asking for help from your community, your friends, and family. We are not superwomen.   Ask.  Someday you will pay it forward.
10. Finally, guilt is a corrosive energy-waster. Stop comparing yourself to others.  Everyone has different circumstances; therefore, they will have a different work+life fit. Maybe you can’t make it to your child’s school events as often as another parent because you have to work.  That doesn’t make them right, and you wrong.  It’s about making it all fit together the best way it can…right now.

What advice would you give to other women to help them more successfully manage the way work “fits” into their lives?

Did you find the information in this post helpful?  If so, I invite you to also visit my Fast Company blog and connect with me on Twitter @caliyost. Also, you might be interested in our NEW!  How-To “Make Flexibility Real” Newsletter and LinkedIn group.

What do you do when an event comes out of left field and lays waste to your carefully planned work+life fit?  This is the question I discussed with my friend, radio host Maggie Mistal, when I appeared on her “Making a Living” program last Friday.

Life recently threw Maggie a curveball when her newborn son arrived two months early while she and her husband were on vacation.  Now, they are living and working temporarily from another city until their son is able to travel back home.

At some point, most of us will deal with a sudden change in circumstances.  My most recent curveball happened five years ago when my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. Immediately your priorities shift.  How do you triage and rethink your goals, your schedule, and your responsibilities both at work and in the other parts of your life?  Here are some of the tips that Maggie and I discussed during the show:

Remember that curveball events typically have three distinct phases:

1. The initial crisis—You are just making it through minute-by-minute
2. The holding pattern—The crisis has passed, but the situation has yet to resolve itself or settle into a new reality.  You’re operating less minute-by-minute and more day-by-day.  And finally, you will move into…
3. The post-curveball reality—You’re clearer about what your work capacity will be going forward and you’ve regained some level of control over the other parts of your life.

Try not to fall into all-or-nothing thinking, and avoid making a rash decision to quit.

Especially, during the crisis phase, it’s easy to become overwhelmed.  You start to think “I can’t deal with this and work at the same time.”  Even I had this reaction when I got the news about my mother.  But thankfully I pulled myself back from the edge, and took a breath.

While quitting may seem like the only choice at the moment, it may not be the best answer.  First of all, most of us need the money.  Secondly, you may be surprised to find that work is a welcome distraction especially when you move into the holding pattern.  Try not to make any major work or life related decisions until the crisis period passed.

Be honest with your boss, team, clients, friends, and family.

99% of the people in your life will be understanding and supportive at least in the crisis phase and early stages of the holding pattern.  In terms of how much you share, both Maggie and I agree that you should tailor the information to your audience.  However, in my experience, managers, clients and team members appreciate simple, consistent updates.  This is especially true once you move into the holding pattern period, and you can start actively testing your capacity for more work.

Unfortunately, 1% of the people in your life won’t be able to show up for you emotionally or physically—let it go.   Don’t expend the extra energy you don’t have now.  File away the lack of support and, if you need to, deal with it later.  A woman who called into Maggie’s show talked about how unhelpful the president of her company was when she needed time during the adoption of her child. But she waited until after the adoption was completed to quit and get a new job.

Gather your resources.  You don’t need to handle the curveball experience all by yourself.

This is especially difficult for people who are used to being in control.  Regardless, you need to let others help you.

Perhaps there’s a work colleague that you respect who can take on some of your responsibilities.  Delegate “to dos” to your family members and friends who’ve offered to pitch in.  I can never repay the group of women in my town that provided meals to my family three nights a week for the last few months of my mother’s life.  But I will confess, initially, I refused because I didn’t want to be a bother.  It took my friend Nola saying, “Shut up, Cali.  They’re coming whether you like it or not,” to make it happen.  And it was a godsend.

Also, if you work for a company that offers work+life benefits and leaves, use them.  Remember the Families Medical Leave Act doesn’t have to be taken all at once.  It can be used over time in small chunks.

Once you’ve move into the holding pattern phase, begin to test your capacity for taking on more work but be patient.

Your priorities will continue to shift and change.  See what you can and cannot comfortably take on.  Perhaps it will help to be more creative and flexible in how, when and where you work.  For example, on Friday, Maggie broadcast her show remotely from Florida, while I sat in her New York studio.  You wouldn’t have known the difference.    When my mother had cancer, I often worked remotely from the hospital.

Build in even small moments of wellness.

This is so important yet can be incredibly hard, especially in the crisis phase.  But once you’ve moved into a holding pattern, gather your resources and use them to find time to care for yourself.  Take a 30 minute walk outside.  Try to get a good night sleep.  Eat at least one healthy meal a day.

Again, think small steps taken consistently so you aren’t overwhelmed.  The goal is not just functioning at your best during the curveball event.  You want to emerge from the experience as strong as possible and ready to move forward in the post-curveball reality.

Has life ever thrown you a curveball that’s made you triage your work+life fit?  What helped you reset your work and personal responsibilities and goals when your priorities changed overnight?

Did you find this post helpful?  If so, I invite you to follow me on Twitter @caliyost and at Fast Company.  Also, please sign up here to receive our NEW “Make Flexibility Real” How-To Newsletter.

I want to thank my friend, Aparna Mehrotra, the Focal Point for Women at The United Nations for asking me to share my thoughts on a wide range of flexibility and work+life fit related topics in the most recent issue of the UN Women’s Newsletter.   In her role at the UN, Aparna is committed to advancing the strategic application of flexibility both within the organization and beyond.

Here are some of the questions that I answer in the interview:

• What are the three principal achievements we’ve accomplished and the three principal challenges we face in our work?
• What is work+life “fit,” and how have I applied it in my own life?
• What are some of the main issues facing working women in leadership positions in the private sector?
• What are the characteristics of the emerging workforce that make flexibility essential?
• How do you combat ongoing skepticism about the benefits of flexibility to an organization?
• Recognizing that policies alone have limited impact, how do you improve implementation of flexibility?

Are there other questions that you wish I’d discussed about work+life fit and how to make flexibility real and more strategic?   Let me know either in the comments or in our NEW “Make Flexibility Real” LinkedIn group.